What Can I Lose?
by 101speedsketch
Summary: During their final year, things really begin to explode between James & Lily. Tempers run high, tears are shed, & in the end, no one is sure whether it's worth it to continue anymore. After all...what can they lose? James x Lily & Sirius x OC
1. Chapter 1

He walked through the streets with a careless grace. Two passing girls giggled as they saw him but the young teen simply ignored them. He stepped through a door, and as the wind blew, the sign bearing a symbol that looked like three broomsticks crossing each other creaked. The teen walked in and headed straight for the bar.

"Alright there sweetie?" the pretty barmaid asked. She was good friends with the teen and always seemed to know if something was wrong. She pulled out a bottle and handed it to him, shaking her head when the teen pulled out three gold coins to pay for the drink. "No Sickles needed today. The Butterbeer is on the house for you, love." The teen gave her a weak smile and sat down at a table, staring outside the window, barely drinking the Butterbeer. Rain began to lash down on the windows, reflecting his somber mood. Several of the bar's attendees left but some, including the teen, remained. The barmaid left the counter and went to sit by the teen.

"Is it her again, sweetie?" she said, placing emphasis on 'her'.

"I dunno what to do Rosie." The teen said to the barmaid, using his nickname for her.

"Tell her." The barmaid answered, cupping his face.

"Rosmerta it's not that simple. I've asked her out tons of times; she just…she just doesn't want me."

"Well she won't if you keep that attitude up," Rosmerta said with a smile, hoping to get the teen to do the same. "James?" the teen looked at her. "Tell her."

James sighed, nodding a little and then finishing the butterbeer in his hand. Rosemerta stood up and waited for James, who stood up and walked with her to the bar. James looked at the barmaid, who looked at him back. Then after a small pause, she outstretched her arms, saying, "C'mere."

James stepped forward hugging her tightly as she returned it. They let go and James made a show of wiping his glasses, making a quiet excuse of them being dusty. He tousled his messy brown hair and left through a small door hidden behind the bar. As Rosmerta walked to her place at the bar, she heard a clinking in her pocket. Looking through her clothes, she found three coins wrapped in a signed napkin from James. The bartender grinned and kept the coins in a small box, intending to return them when he next came.

-ooo000ooo-

"Lilykins!" called a voice. A girl rolled her eyes, turning around to see a young boy, no older than 16, heading in her direction. He had jet black hair that fell carelessly into his dark eyes. He walked with panther-like grace and had a large happy smile on his face. His eyes, naturally bright, were gleaming with mischief. Several girls were eyeing the approaching figure, and the teen soaked up the attention, winking at a girl here, patting a girl's shoulder there.

"What do you want, Black?" the girl called, using the boy's surname. She had bright green almond shaped eyes and fiery red hair to match. She was rather short, and judging by the books she held, she was very bookwormish.

"You wound me Lilykins.I do have a first name you know."

"Yes and no matter what it sounds like, you never act like it."

"Hey! I can be serious when I need to be!" the boy shouted in mock indignation. He gave a sheepish grin as the girl quelled him with a glare.

"Really Sirius?" she asked, emphasizing the boy's first name, at which he gave a wider grin, "When are you ever serious? Everything seems to be a big game to you."

"Gee sorry mum." He laughed and ducked as the girl tried to whack his head but missed. He threw his arm carelessly around her shoulders and kept walking with her. She grumbled something but Sirius ignored her. "So Miss Lily Evans, tell me," Sirius began, "What are your plans for this coming weekend?"

"Study for the Arithmancy Exam, finish my Potions Essay, my Herbology Essay, and practice the Silencing Charm for Charms class. What about you, Mister Sirius Black?"

Sirius grinned at Lily, who gave a small smile back. "Gonna play some pranks on the Slytherins. Maybe play some on Filch. You should join us!" he exclaimed, suddenly excited at the prospect of Lily Evans joining him on a prank.

"No." Lily said shortly, still walking as briskly as she could to her class. Unfortunately, Sirius' long legs were easily able to keep up with her. "Because by 'us' you mean that little gang you and Potter made. And I hate anything to do with Potter, you know that."

"Evans! You wound me!" Sirius cried melodramatically, pretending he'd been stabbed in the chest. "You hate me?"

"Alright well I can atleast _tolerate_ you." Lily began.

"And Remus Lupin?" Sirius cut her off.

"Remus is a different story. He's a Prefect—" she explained but Sirius cut her off again.

"And Peter Pettigrew?" he asked.

"Who?" Lily responded sarcastically without missing a beat. Sirius gave a bark-like laugh and quickly grabbed Lily's books out of her hands. She started forward to grab them but Sirius spun her in a tight circle and dropped her off at the door to her classroom. She hadn't even noticed that Sirius had taken her up to her class. He bent and kissed her hand with a flourish giving her a silly grin when she rolled her eyes but returned a small smile.

"So we'll see you Saturday?"

"No."

"Ah well I tried."

"Yes and as valiant as your efforts were, they weren't enough to convince me to come."

Sirius gave a chuckle and turned to walk away, giving Lily a wave, who returned it with a smile.

-ooo000ooo-

Later that day, Lily met up with her two friends Kara and Kimberly. The three girls headed up to the Gryffindor dormitory, talking about their classes as they went. Kara, who had silvery blonde hair and deep blue eyes, was easily the most gorgeous girl in the school. She was outgoing and very loud but a great friend when you needed one. Kimberly was special in her own way. She was quiet and rarely had much to say. If you were ever in trouble, she would always set aside whatever she was working on to help you out. Her wavy brown hair and deep chocolate brown eyes almost rivaled Kara's but neither of the girls competed with each other.

"Lily! Kara squealed. "Listen!"

"That's all I_ can_ do, Kara. You won't let me do anything else." Lily said with a grin.

"Okay well listen! So then I said—"

"Kara I hope you realize that Lily and I always half-listen to you." Kimberly said. She had a slight lisp which turned her s sounds into th sounds. Kara stuck her bottom lip out into an adorable pout, one which Lily couldn't refuse.

"Alright, alright! Let's just get to the dorms and then you can _gush _about whoever you want and we'll play close attention okay?"

"Okay!" Kara grinned happily. The girls traipsed upstairs, many guys waving or greeting Kara as she went. She naturally waved back but kept the greetings short, intent on finishing her story.

Once the girls were in their dorm, Kara hopped down on her bed, happily chattering away about all manner of things that happened to her that day. Kimberly listened hard, when all of a sudden a large knocking could be heard on the door. Without warning Sirius walked in the dorm, grinning at the girls.

"Hello ladies! How goes it?"

"Sirius! You can't just come in here like that!" Lily reprimanded him while Kimberly nodded vigorously. Sirius gave her a dashing smile as Kara began.

"Yeah! For all you know we could have been changing!"

"Hmm…all of a sudden I'm sad I didn't walk in at a later time." He replied with a cheeky grin. Sirius ducked under the pillow that was thrown at him and they heard a cry from downstairs. The pillow reappeared with Remus Lupin carrying it.

"Why are all the boys coming up here?" Lily asked out loud.

"Correction: why are all the _hot_ boys coming up here?" Sirius said with a cocky grin. Lily threw another pillow, which missed and hit Remus again.

"You think Remus is hot?" Kara pointed out. Remus froze in the act of tossing the pillows back onto the bed, looked over at Sirius, and began to inch away, earning a laugh form the group.

"What about Remus being hot?" another voice said. James' head appeared from the doorway, grinning at the scene.

"Sirius thinks I'm hot, I'm getting assaulted by pillows, and Lily's complaining about guys coming up here." Remus summarized. He ruffled his sandy blond hair, a habit he'd picked up from James, and tossed the pillows back with a grin. James invited himself in, much to Lily's displeasure. She rolled her eyes very apparently in his direction and went back to working on her essays.

"Did you need something boys?" Kara asked with a big smile. Sirius got down on one knee and held out a large bouquet of flowers that he conjured up with his wand. Kara gasped and put her fingertips to her chest, with a big smile.

"O fair maiden, will thou accompaneth thy stallion, thy knight in shining armor, they slayer of dragons, thy savior, to the Dance of merriment and good tidings where one can partake in the beverage known as Firewhiskey and consumeth small amounts of food known to others as snacks in celebration of the fact that Gryffindor haveth won the House Cup. What is thine answer my beautiful maiden?" Sirius recited, with exaggerated flourishes of his eyebrows and his free hand. The room was silent for a minute before everyone burst out laughing.

"What?" Kara asked. "I don't speak medieval. Sorry Mr. Knight."

Sirius' face fell. "You mean I wrote that for nothing?"

"You wrote that?" Kimberly asked, astonished.

"Ah come on Kimmy," James said with a grin, leaning casually against her bedpost, "Sirius hasn't written a word in his life."

"I resent that comment. I'll have you know that I've written any things!"

"Writing your name a dozen times on a piece of paper doesn't count Sirius." Remus coughed.

"Damn." The group laughed and Sirius shook himself a little. He sat down on Kara's bed closer to her. "So what do you say?"

"To what?"

"You know to what." Sirius said with a knowing look.

Kara was silent for a few minutes, becoming intensely fascinated with a dragonfly design on her sheets. Then she blushed and gave a slight nod.

"Hail Mary's garden of tomatoes!" The room quieted once more and James pinched the bridge of his nose while Remus shook his head sadly.

"How do you put up with that?" Lily asked, addressing Remus.

"Well we don't. That's half the battle right there." He responded with a sly grin. Emboldened by Sirius' acceptance, Remus quietly headed over to Kimmy's bed and asked her the same thing, delighted to see her nod shyly and cover her face.

James smiled, feeling a chill crawl up his spine and he walked over to Lily's bed who was intently rifling through the pages in her book, making it seem like she was too busy to answer.

"Evans?"

"What Potter?"

"Go with me to the dance." He said with a dazzling smile.

"Why Potter?"

"Because I asked you to Evans."

"Potter what makes you think I'd even consider going out with you?" Lily was getting impatient with him. Kara nodded at the rest of the group very subtly and they all made their exits one at a time. James didn't notice, he simply kept staring at Lily.

"Lily," he said, his voice growing low in seriousness. "Will you go with me to the dance?"

"Potter there are tons of other slags you can ask. Why me?" she asked.

"Because you're different." James said, slightly puffing his chest out.

"You mean you just want to be able to brag to everyone that you finally got to date me right?"

"No." James responded in a rather weak voice.

"Right whatever." Lily responded and went back to her work. "Close the door on your way out." She said to him without looking up. But even as James turned, Kara closed the door and locked it with a series of locking charms that would take some time to either wear away or figure out the counter curse.

"Kara let me out!" James yelled angrily.

"Not till you guys talk it over!" Kara called back in her sweet voice.

James sighed and turned back to look at Lily, who seemed to still be working except that her eyes had widened in fear. "What happens if we don't talk?" James yelled back.

"You'll be stuck in there for a pretty long time then!" Kara yelled. They heard sounds of her leaving the staircase.

James sighed again and sat down on the bed opposite Lily. She looked up with a glare but went back to her work when she saw he wouldn't leave.

"So what's your favorite color?"

"What?"

"Well Kara locked us in here till we talked. So I'm talking."

"Umm…brown. You?"

James opened his mouth to say 'Red and Gold' but when he looked into her face, he changed his mind. "Green. Bright green." He responded with a smile. Lily cocked an eyebrow but shook her head, returning to her work.

"Umm…what kind of music do you listen to?" he asked her.

"Well I don't listen to bands. I like certain songs." Lily responded casually, still not taking her eyes off her essay.

"Like?" James inquired, watching her write.

"Little Beggarman, Walking in the Air, songs like those." She said, looking up for a moment.

James cocked his head, a questioning look on his face.

"Sorry. Muggle songs. You wouldn't have heard of them."

"No no I've heard of them. You just…don't look like the girl who would listen to songs like those."

"What kinda music did you think I'd listen to? Weird Sisters?"

"Well…yeah." James replied with a nod.

Lily gave a small laugh and shook her head. James felt his stomach swoop hearing her laugh. He knew perfectly well what Kara wanted them to talk about and Rosmerta's advice was still ringing in his head.

"Hey Lily can I tell you something?"

"Has my constant denial stopped you before?" she asked. James grunted feeling as though he'd been doused in cold water.

"I resent that." He said in a forced joking voice. _I'll make it a joke. I in love with you like a fat kid loves cake. Yeah…that sounds good._

Lily sighed. "What do you want Potter?"

"I umm…well you know…like…I just…I—I—" James stammered, unsure of how to tell her.

"Spit it out!" Lily cried impatiently.

"I'm a fat kid like you who loves cake!" he flustered.

"Ex_cuse_ me?" Lily asked, staring at James with a haughty look.

"Ahh no! Shit! Damnit I meant—" James sighed and ruffled up his hair in confusion. "Lily…please go with me to the dance." James said quietly, his voice ringing with sincerity.

Lily stopped writing her essay and froze up. She looked up slowly, gently placing her quill down on the book. "W—why?"

"Well…why not?" James countered, not sure if he wanted to answer.

"True…" Lily trailed away, blushing and looking away. James smiled at her reaction and had to resist the strong urge to reach out and brush her cheek with his thumb. He sighed and began to ruffle his hair to keep his hands busy.

"So what do you say?"

Lily thought hard. Her heart was screaming at her to accept, to dive into his arms and kiss him. Her heart told her to just relax and give James a chance. But her mind was overpowering. It was telling her that James would only end up hurting her again. He would be sweet and say a few kind words but as soon as he had sex with her, he would drop her. After a few minutes of silence, Lily took a deep breath.

"No." Lily responded, though it crushed her. James expression fell from hopeful to longing and desperate in an instant. Lily wanted nothing more than to pull him into a hug but she resisted the impulse.

"Wait…what?" James asked in disbelief. This was the one time he was being serious with her and she was _still_ denying him? What had he done?

"No." Lily repeated in a small voice, dropping her head so James wouldn't see her eyes getting more wet by the second.

"But…but why?" he whispered, not trusting his voice to do anything else.

"You'll hurt me. And I don't want to get hurt. Just let me go." Lily said. She didn't know how long she could keep up the façade but resolved to hold it out till the charms faded.

"I won't." James replied bluntly.

"A phrase used by you on the other girls in the school's student population." Lily replied in a scathing tone. She figured that if she got angry, there would be a less chance of her crying. James' ego got the better of him.

"What are you talking about, Evans?" he asked her shortly, returning to using her last name. "I'm _not_ going to hurt you. I…I don't know how. Please believe me."

"I'm sorry I can't. I suppose having seen you get with, and later ditch, every girl that steps through the Main Hall has changed my opinion of you."

"I haven't gotten together with every girl!" He cried out in indignation, standing up. Lily stood up as well, thankful that he was fighting back.

"Name me one girl!"

"Kara! Kimmy! You!"

"You don't date ANY of the girls who hang out with me. You wanna know why? I'm smart enough to keep them away from you and your greedy little eyes. That's why you can't date any of my friends. Your "charm" doesn't work because of me. And I know the only reason you want to date me is because you can have bragging rights later. You can go and show off to all your friends that you finally got me. And once you get me drunk and have sex with me you'll just ditch me like all the other girls and—"

"GODDAMNIT!" James burst out. "I'VE HAD IT!"

Lily was shocked into silence. James spun around and not even bothering to try the door, he punched it hard as hard as he could. Ten more times, James punched the door and under the intense pounding, the thin door simply broke open. James stomped out of the doorway, not noticing that his knuckles were badly bleeding and had small shards of wood in them. James simply walked out of the Gryffindor Common Room, ignoring the stares that everyone was giving them.

Lily stared at the place where James had just left. She felt as though James had thrown all those punches at her, not the door. She walked, zombie-like, to where the door had fallen. There were still blood smears there and a bit of skin. Lily felt horrible. She was always trying to keep him out of fights because she was worried about the potential injury he could get, and now she had just made him shed blood. Lily flopped down on her bed, essays completely forgotten, and cried her heart out.

-o0o0o0o0o0o-

"Great. Well done Kara." Remus murmured.

"Is he really that strong? How did he break all those charms?" Kara whispered, still staring at the door though which James had just left.

Sirius lightly slapped the back of her head. "You idiot, he didn't break the charms at all. He didn't have his wand on him."

Kimmy put her hand up to her mouth. "You mean he broke the _door_?"

"Probably. I wanna go see." Sirius said. He made to get up but Kara pulled him back down.

"No, don't. Lily doesn't need any attention right now. Just…let it go till later." Sirius nodded and pulled out a board of Wizard's Chess. He and Remus played a few rounds then Kimmy took over, insisting she wanted to learn. Kara, who was sitting on the arm rest of Sirius' chair, had slid down into his lap and fallen fast asleep on his shoulder, her arms curled up on his chest. Kimmy was sitting there in the chair while Remus was leaning against her leg and sleeping soundly. The Common Room had emptied, leaving the four friends alone.

"Where do you think he's gone?" Kimmy spoke up softly.

"The Quidditch pitch most likely." Sirius murmured back, looking out at the window, which was spattered with rain.

"But it's raining!" she said.

"James would love it. He loves to fly in rough conditions." Sirius responded with a smile.

"Sirius can I ask you a few questions?"

"Gonna interrogate me now? I didn't do it I tell ya I didn't do it!" Sirius quietly said, making slow gestures with his arms. When Kara moaned a little in her sleep he froze, wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back gently. The scene was so romantic it could have been taken from a movie.

"So…question one?"

"What does James have for Lily?"

"Rather direct aren't you?" he inquired with a quiet chuckle. Kimmy smiled but said nothing. "James…he loves her. He just…he doesn't want to tell her. Or maybe he can't. I think James has issues swallowing his pride and just telling her how he feels. I won't say he isn't arrogant or cocky…he just needs to know not to be like that around her because everyone knows she hates it. I don't know why he does it but he does. And Lily…I'm sure Lily loves him too. I've seen her stare at him a few times. She reaches out to touch him a few times but always pulls back. I think she's afraid of something but it's not commitment. She's afraid to give in to him I think. Because…if you think about it, James has been asking her out since 3rd year. And she hasn't said yes once. So if she says it now maybe she'll be giving in and she doesn't want that."

Kimmy stared. Since when had Sirius been so observant? He was stating things that up until now, she thought only she had noticed. She stared for a minute before asking him something else.

"Okay…and…what do you have for—"

"You? You're my good friend!" he gave a grin.

"No for—"

"Me? Well I simply adore myself! I'm so cute!" Sirius interrupted again, pinching his own cheek.

"Kara." Kimmy said quietly. Sirius' goofy grin faded and transformed into a soft gently smile. Even by the dim firelight, Kimmy could tell that Sirius was blushing. 

"Well…that's a little…different. It's kind of like…well there's lots of things involved…see—"

"Sirius. How do you feel about Kara?" Kimmy asked sternly. She needed to know.

"I love her." He stated simply. Kimmy gave a silent squeal and clapped her hands softly.

"Now it's your turn." Sirius said mischievously. Kimmy froze and shook her head. "Hey if you're gonna interrogate me I get to do the same."

"No you don't!" she hissed frantically. Sirius laughed and nodded. Kimmy thought fast and smacked Remus' head, effectively waking him up.

"What? Who? Oh…ow!" he whispered frowning and rubbing his head.

"Sorry. My hand…slipped."

"Slipped." Remus repeated with a "yeah-right" look.

"Yeah." Kimmy smiled back innocently.

"Whatever." Remus said with an amused shake of the head. "I'm going upstairs to continue sleeping. 'Night guys."

"I'm leaving too. I'm so tired!" Kimmy said, feigning a yawn. Sirius smirked at her and she stuck her tongue out at him. Kimmy giggled and Sirius gave a silent chuckle. "G'night, Sirius." She said.

"Good night. And I'll still ask you later." He said with another smirk. Kimmy rolled her eyes and walked upstairs.

Sirius sat there in the chair with the most beautiful girl in the school sleeping in his arms. He wordlessly lit another large fire in place of the dying one in the fireplace and gently laid his cheek against Kara's silvery blonde hair. He kissed the top of her head and fell asleep.

James had been flying around for well over three hours. His hands, which were throbbing from the pain, were now about to freeze to his broomstick. He stopped speeding around the ring and floated up just above the goalposts. He let go and slowly closed his eyes and looked up, letting the cold rain wash his face. After a few minutes, James floated back to the changing rooms. He was shivering by the time he got back and suddenly wished he'd brought his wand with him. He placed his broomstick back on the rack and walked out of the changing rooms, through the rain once more. He snuck into the castle through a secret door and headed through the halls dripping wet, not caring that he was leaving a trail for Filch to follow or the fact that he could be caught wandering the halls. He awoke the Fat Lady, who grumbled and asked for the password.

"Silver Berries." James muttered, eyes downcast and a depressed look coming over him. The Fat Lady was going to continue reprimanding him but chose not to. She opened up, and when James stepped through he was greeted by the sight of Kara and Sirius curled up together and asleep by a fire. He had hoped he could sleep by the fire and dry off as he slept but that plan wasn't the best idea. James silently went upstairs but because of his slippery shoes, he was making small squeaking sounds every time he stepped.

"James?" a small voice said. James jumped and turned around to see Kimmy peeking her head out from behind the door.

"Hey Kimmy." James whispered, giving her a smile. Kimmy was no fool though; through the smile she could clearly see a tortured James crying his heart out much like Lily had been. "What are you doin' up? We got classes tomorrow!" he cried softly forcing a big smile.

"Nothing I just…I heard you going upstairs and wanted to know if your hands were okay."

"My hands? What's wrong with them?" He said casually. James looked down to see his hands and winced at the sight of them. They were purple and blue from the cold and the blood had only half crusted on the deep cuts in his knuckles. James slowly curled his hands into fists wincing in pain as the crust broke and fresh blood began to ooze from the cuts.

"James," Kimmy said, "come on. It's not funny. You've seriously hurt yourself! Go to the Hospital Wing!"

"Nah I'll be fine."

"Well then let me fix it. Please?" she persisted. James smiled and shook his head.

"Sorry Kimmy. Some things are better left to heal by themselves. But thanks for the offer anyway." James whispered. Kimmy frowned but nodded.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Well I could use some dry clothes right about now." James said with a smile. Kimmy nodded and disappeared for a minute. She reappeared with her wand and cast the Drying Charm. James shuddered as the clothes that were clinging to his body now hung loose and dry. Kimmy gave a warm smile, one which James returned. Kimmy gave a warm smile and tiptoed forward hugging him tightly. She was very short; the top of her head only reached the middle of his chest but he accepted the hug anyway, feeling the comfort pour into him. He smiled and returned the hug, kissing the top of her head in a brotherly fashion.

"Thanks Kimmy. I needed that."

"I'm always here for you James." She whispered back. "Now go to sleep! We have classes tomorrow!" James grinned and stuck his tongue out at her. Kimmy gave a giggle and waved, then closed the door and tip toed to her bed, falling asleep quickly.


	2. Chapter 2

Kara woke up but did not open her eyes. She sighed into her warm pillow and hugged it tightly. To her shock her pillow groaned and shifted. Kara snapped her eyes open but remained perfectly still. She could see that she was in the Common Room and that she was asleep on someone. Thinking back, Kara smiled softly as she realized who her pillow was.

She slowly lifted his arm away and made to get up but stopped. She looked at Sirius' sleeping form. His black hair was hanging in front of his eyes, and his cheeks were red. His mouth was slightly parted but as he turned his head he closed his lips. Kara gently brushed a few strands of hair out of his face and smiled. She knew he wasn't an early riser so she conjured a blanket, covered him up, and went upstairs, eager to see the door. To her dismay the door had been fixed, probably by the house elves, so Kara walked inside to see Lily and Kimmy already up. Kimmy was softly talking to Lily, who was putting some books and notes in her bag with a depressed expression.

" –hurt to talk to him. Just go. What can you lose?"

"I don't know Kimmy I—hey, where were you?"

"I was asleep with Sirius." Lily cocked an eyebrow but Kara shook her head. "Not like that silly. We wanted to give you some space so we stayed down there. I just fell asleep on Sirius and I suppose he didn't have the heart to wake me up." She said with a smile. She hopped onto Lily's bed and started bouncing a little. "So what happened?"

"You are too chirpy this morning."

"Only cuz I wanna know what happened."

"Did Sirius give you some sugar?"

"No but I should give you some Veritaserum cuz then I can force you to tell me what happened."

"Ugh fine!"

Kimy stared in awe. "How did you do that? I've been trying to get her to tell me for a whole hour!"

"Natural talent?" Kara asked with a shrug. Kimmy glared but grinned, unable to keep up the expression.

"Kara do I really have to? I mean my bag is all set so do I really have to—" Lily stopped as Kara proceeded to empty her bag in less than a minute.

"You bag isn't set it's empty. Now tell me."

"Ugh…you locked us in, we had a fight, and then he broke the door down and left."

"Dialogues?"

"I said what do you want and he asked me out then I told him he was an arrogant toerag and he got mad and left."

"Lily, you say that to him on a regular basis. What makes you think he's going to care this time?"

"Maybe he just cracked after all the times I called him that?"

"Or maybe you two had a real conversation and you're choosing to hide it?"

Lily was quiet for a moment before shaking her head. Kara shook her own head and left. "Fine I'll get it from James. He always tells me!" she cried melodramatically before disappearing. Lily shook her head but she hoped that James didn't say a word.

James heard a knocking on the door. Remus had already gone down for breakfast and Sirius had never come up during the night so James assumed it was him. "Come on in Padfoot." James called wearily. Kara traipsed in and greeted him with a nervous wave.

"Hey…" she spoke cautiously. James didn't answer; he continued to dry his hair with the towel and once it was done, he tossed his towel into the bathroom and began to organize his bag, his back to her. "James?"

James turned and looked at her and Kara felt her heart break. James had clearly been up all night. There were dark circles under his eyes, his face looked ragged and he hadn't shaved either.

"James…I'm sorry."

"For what? It's not like you did anything."

"I kinda locked you two in there…"

"It's alright. Nothing happened."

"James," Kara said sadly, walking up to him. "something happened." She sat down on his bed, in between him and the bag and patted the spot next to her. "Please tell me? Please?"James shook his head and Kara dragged him down anyway. He sat and she gingerly picked up his hands, observing his knuckles. James stared at his knuckles, which he knew would be a constant reminder of the fight.

"What happened?" Kara repeated. James sighed and told her everything that had happened. As he spoke, a few tears slid down his cheeks and dripped off his chin. He took a deep shuddering breath and continued ignoring the tears. When James finished the story, he was laying down with his head in Kara's lap. She felt terrible for locking the two of them together and wanted to fix it between them. She was scared to do anything though; her last attempt at getting them to talk had backfired horribly…James was evidence enough.

"James I'm so sorry. I really am I feel _so so so _horrible."

"Don't." James sniffed. "It was an honest mistake."

"No I really feel terrible—"

"Kara?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Don't try to hook me and Evans up." James said with a smile. Kara smiled back and leaned in to kiss his cheek. She hugged him tightly, rubbing his back.

"Don't worry big bro," she whispered, using a nickname she made for James a long time ago, "I won't try anything."

"Thanks baby sis." James whispered back.

-o0o0o0o-

A few minutes later, James came down to see the other two members of his gang laughing and making jokes at the breakfast table. James hitched a smile and walked in, his hands deep in the pockets of his robes.

"Prongs! You just missed the best thing!" Sirius called.

"What did I miss Padfoot?" James said when he reached the table.

"Ok so I was trying to eat my scone right? When all of a sudden, dear old Lucy decides to send a curse flying my way." James looked over to the Slytherin table to see Lucius Malfoy nursing a bruised cheek. "And then Moony here grabbed this lid," and Sirius grabbed a lid and excitedly held it up, "and threw it right by my head! And the curse sorta bounced off a bunch of things and his Lucy in the face!"

"Moony are you secretly a ninja?" James asked, holding a napkin up to Remus' nose to imitate a ninja mask. Remus nodded and said, "That's me. I'm so ninja that none of you even saw me take your wands."

"What?" the two friends replied. They checked their pockets frantically but Remus laughed. "Guy's I dropped them on the floor."

As the two boys went to search for their wands, Remus used the distraction to steal their plates.

""Hey where'd my food go?" Sirius exclaimed. "NO! I wasn't done with my pie!"

"And I hadn't even started!"

"Well here you go guys. You can have some of MY food." Remus replied generously. He lifted the two plates and gave them to the boys, who glared for a minute, then began to laugh.

"Hello boys!" Kara said brightly.

"Hiya Kara." The Marauders responded in unison. There was a stray greeting from a Ravenclaw boy but Kara paid no attention to it.

"How's everyone doing this fine morning?" she asked, seating herself in between James and Sirius.

"Eh." Said Remus.

"Yeah." Said Sirius.

"Uhh…" said James.

"Well _you're_ a talkative bunch." Kara complained. Sirius laughed and said, "I'm just scared of going to Double Potions."

"Ooh I have that class too! Wanna walk me down?" Kara asked.

Sirius grinned and hopped up. "Thought you'd never ask." They left the Hall laughing about some joke or the other.

Remus shook his head. "You know James, those two have got a lot in common."

"And?"

"Well…they're prefect for each other."

"Oh…" James trailed away, immediately thinking of Lily. Remus seemed to realize this so he corrected his statement.

"Don't get me wrong I mean there are TONS of couples out there who are polar opposites and still manage to work out."

"Moony if you mean me and Lily then—"

"Look I'm just curious to know what she said that got you so angry."

"She—nothing." James said. Kimmy arrived a few minutes later.

"Hello boys."

"Hey Kimmy." Remus grinned.

"Hiya Kimmy." James said smiling at her. Kimmy grabbed a scone and began to munch away.

"Moony are we all set for tonight?" James asked importantly.

"I still don't think you should go through with it." Remus responded nervously.

"Come on the Marauders have been going for 6 years. What's another night?" replied with a shrug.

"Yeah but what if—"

"It wont." James cut him off.

"What are you two talking about?" Kimmy asked curiously.

"Quidditch practice. Late night."

"Why late in the night?"

"It makes our coordination better. Meaning we have to work with our other senses not our eyes."

"But it's the full moon out tonight. Why go anyway it'll be so bright outside!" she exclaimed.

"We like playing during the full moon." James said.

"Ugh. Boys." Kimmy grumbled. James playfully tossed a cookie at her, which she caught and began taking little bites of it.

"Hi boys." said a seductive voice. James rolled his eyes and Remus gave an audible groan. They turned to see Rachael Rhinehart, a girl who considered herself better than Kara in every way, staring at them with a glint in her eye.

"Hey Rachael. Can my boys here help you out?" Kimmy said, saving James and Remus the trouble of responding.

"Well actually I was hoping that James would go with me—"

"No." James cut her off bluntly. Rachael looked as though she'd been slapped in the face.

"No because James has…a…Potions essay due tomorrow!" Kimmy finished quickly.

"What?" James asked stupidly. Kimmy kicked him from under the table, giving him a look. James winced but nodded. "Oh yeah…that thing. Ugh I don't wanna do it. Maybe I should go get started on it right now. Wanna come help Remus?"

"Sure! But I'm not too good at Potions either. Maybe Kimmy should help us out too. What do you say Kimmy?"

"I'd be glad to help!"

And together the three ran off, leaving Rachael Rhinehart glaring daggers at Kimmy's retreating figure.

The two Marauders were making jokes about Rachael and laughing loudly while Kimmy, sandwiched in between them, was giggling, constantly telling them that they were being mean. She gave a big grin and kept giggling when James gave a horrible imitation of Rachael's high rather scratchy voice. As they entered the Common Room they were greeted by Lily who was descending the stairs. She froze up and stared at James who was trying to look anywhere else but her. He dug his hands deeper into his pockets and sighed, not wanting to show her what he'd done. After a short silence James hitched on a grin and Remus yelled, "Hey Lily!"

Lily looked at James apprehensively. Had he forgotten already? No…he couldn't have. So had he forgiven her? She wouldn't have forgiven herself and yet he was standing there, with his prize winning grin, as if nothing had happened.

"Yes?"

"I dunno. What's up?"

"Nothing. Going to breakfast. Kimmy are you coming?"

"Well we just came from breakfast."

"Yeah, after successfully dodging the porno bullet." Remus grinned, looking at James.

Kimmy clapped her hands to her mouth and giggled furiously. She was giggling so hard that she just couldn't stand up any longer. Remus grinned and put an arm around her to support her.

"Rachael Rhinehart." He explained to Lily who was looking at him in a confused manner.

"But hey…we should get started on your essay." Kimmy said in between little giggles.

"What essay?"

"James you have an essay due tomorrow!" Kimmy slapped his arm lightly.

"And it's already done."

"What?"

"Finished it with Remus and Sirius the day Slughorn assigned it to us." James said proudly. Kimmy stared in shock.

"Well then help me with mine!" she exclaimed. "Be right back!" she yelled, sprinting up the stairs to get her essay. "She returned a few seconds later with a quill, an ink bottle, and a piece of parchment in her arms.

James grinned and sat down in his chair, pulling the Wizards Chess board so Remus and he could play while Kimmy worked.

"Where's Sirius?" Lily asked.

"Class." James replied shortly, thinking of his next move carefully.

"Kara?" she tried again, hoping for a longer answer.

"Class."

"Isn't _any_one here?" Remus cried exasperatedly, hoping to earn a laugh. Lily, who was sitting by Kimmy , spoke up.

"I am." She said, looking at James. She had been trying to get a look at his hands all the while Kimmy had been working but James kept using his opposite hand, so only his palm was visible to her. She stared at James, thinking he would make a witty joke but he didn't even move. He was completely ignoring her.

As soon as Kimmy finished her essay, Sirius and Kara walked in, Kara with her hair a bright metallic blue and Sirius laughing his head off.

"Whoa Kara what happened to you?" James asked, trying to hold in his laughter.

"Potion blew up and dyed my hair." She answered glumly. Sirius couldn't stop laughing. "Sirius it's not funny! What it that potion has some ingredient that's slowly eating away at my hair?"

"You're so worried about your hair it's actually rather cute." Sirius responded.

"Now what do we do?" Remus asked. "I have a free period."

"Me too." James replied.

"Me three." Sirius called.

"Me four." Kimmy said softly.

"Me five."Kara said, mourning the loss of her silvery hair.

Everyone looked at Lily expectantly who looked around and sighed. "Well I'm supposed to be in the library but…me six." She finished with a smile. Sirius, Remus, and Kara cheered, Kimmy grinned and clapped happily, and James sat simple sat there watching the chessboard, waiting for Remus to move.

The group more or less divided themselves into pairs, everyone deeply engaged in their own conversations. Kimmy immediately went over to sit by Remus, both of them talking quietly about magical creatures. Sirius and Kara went over and sat by the fire, Sirius occasionally tugging on Kara's hair gently. Kara seemed to give a small shudder every time. James sat stonily, egging his pawn on to beat Remus' rook. Lily stood awkwardly nearby but went and sat on James' armrest.

"James?" she whispered.

"Yeah?" he murmured back to her. He casually began to move the pieces by holding them in between his fingers, much the way a martini glass would be held, so Lily couldn't see his knuckles. She sighed and cautiously placed a hand on his shoulder, feeling him immediately tense up.

Lily looked around but no one seemed to notice. They were the only four people in the Common Room now. She was burning with curiosity to see what he'd done to himself but at the same time didn't want to see what he'd done.

"How are you?"

"I'm great Evans. How about you?"

"I'm fine…" she trailed away. James merely nodded, keeping his eyes on the board. "Can you teach me?" Lily asked, looking at the board.

"What Wizard's Chess?" James asked looking up at her. Lily felt her stomach perform some backflips but she ignored them.

"Yeah I never understood how to play it."

"Sure. This is a pawn," James said quietly, holding up a tiny stone soldier squealing and poking James' fingers with a tiny sword, "This is a bishop," James continued in a low voice, holding up another taller piece, which shook its small shield angrily at him, "This is a rook. Or a Castle either one is fine," He said softly. "This here is a king," James continued holding up another piece, which shook its regal looking shield at him, "and this is a queen."

"What's that piece?" Lily asked, knowing perfectly well that she was pointing at a knight.

"That's a knight."

"I see. Can I have this?" she asked, placing her fingers on the chessboard. Remus didn't even notice; he had completely given up on the game and was too immersed in conversation with Kimmy to notice anything else.

"Sure." James replied with a weak shrug, standing up and discreetly walking upstairs. "See you, Evans."

Lily watched him leave. She made up her mind to follow him. _Enough running. I _have_ to see._ She followed him up the stairs quietly. As she climbed, she thought about what she would say. Her heart was banging against her chest so loudly that she was surprised no one could hear it beating like a massive war drum. She swathe corner of his robes disappear into the Dorm room.

Lily approached the door and paused. She raised her hand to knock but stopped only a few centimeters away. What was she going to say? Lil struggled with herself then decided to continue with her choice.

Lily knocked gently, waiting for a reply.

"Come on in its open!" she heard James call. Lily meekly opened the door and stepped into the room. She suddenly seemed to find her oxford heels very interesting, staring at them intently as though there was a hidden message there.

"Evans," James said in surprise.

"Hey." Lily whispered, not trusting her voice to do anything else.

"What can I do for you?" James asked very formally, trying not to look at her. Lily sighed and walked forward. James casually gripped his hands behind his back and smiled at her, but Lily could tell that the gesture had no feeling behind it.

She grabbed his wrists but James pulled back. "What are you doing?"

"Let me see what you did."

"No."

"James let me see."

"No."

"James, please. Don't be stupid just let—"

"Stupid? I'm being stupid now?" James asked, his anger getting the better of him. He shouldn't have been getting mad but her reaction to his question, and her stinging words seemed to do the trick.

"No James I didn't—"

"Didn't mean that, no no of course you didn't," James finished for her, "I mean you've said it for five years now what's another time gonna do?" he mocked. James growled inwardly and tried to control himself.

"James, I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I feel terrible about it James you know that." James sighed, sitting down on the bed. Lily joined him and gently placed her cool fingertips around his wrist. She pulled his hand forward, grasping his fingers to turn his hand around and gently grabbed his other wrist as well. James reluctantly let her turn his hands, wincing when she saw them.

Lily gasped at the deep gruesome cuts on his knuckles. They had turned an ugly nasty black and blue from the bruising around the area and James had clumsily been trying to put some bandages on the area. Lily gave a watery sniff and looked up at James, tears brimming in her eyes.

"I'm so so _so_ sorry." She wept, feeling the tears begin to cascade down her cheeks. "I feel so terrible!"

"Hey come on." James said, holding her face in his hands and wiping her tears with his thumbs. "It's fine you didn't do anything. This was all me."

"No I instigated you and I feel so horrible! I'm so mean, I'm just so cruel, I'm—"

James cut her off with a tight hug, snuggling her face into his chest. "Has anyone ever told you that you talk way too much?" he whispered with a content smile. Lily gave a muffled watery laugh and hugged him back, sighing shakily into his chest. They sat like that for a while, Lily trying to gain control of herself. She soon stopped crying but when James eased his hold on her, Lily seemed to tighten hers.

"No. Stay." She mumbled. She was exhausted and they still had the whole day to go.

But she felt glad. James wasn't mad at her and he didn't hate her at all. She sighed and simply sat there till her eyes began to feel droopy and her head rolled into James' warm chest. She gave another happy sigh and promptly fell asleep. James shook his head and took advantage of the moment to kiss the top of her head, loving the feeling of her hair and her body gently squished into his.

"Fine time to sleep." James muttered with a smile. He stroked her hair as gently as he could, but unfortunately, Lily still woke up. She gave a cute yawn and looked around blearily. She remembered what had happened and aptly pulled away from James.

"What's the matter, Lily-flower? Aren't I comfortable?" James joked with a grin. Lily smiled, loving the sound of his annoying nickname for her. She grinned and stood up.

"We should get to class."

"But hey you never answered my question."

"What question?" Lily asked trying to buy time.

"Aren't I comfortable?"

"Kara! I think I can fix your hair!" Lily called. Kara appeared out of nowhere as if she'd apparated there.

"WHAT?" Kara yelled, shaking Lily thoroughly. "You've been sitting there for an hour and you didn't fix my hair?"

"Sorry?" Lily offered. James burst out into laughter and comfortably put his arm around Lily's shoulder, who considered shrugging him off but decided against it. She stood there trying random incantations to try and fix her friends her. Eventually, her hair returned to its silvery blonde hair and Kara whooped in joy, hugging Lily as tightly as she could.

"Sirius! Sirius! My hair's back!" she ran off yelling. James gave a small chuckle and looked at Lily who stowed away her wand and looked at him.

"Well? Come on! We have to go see Kara celebrating!"

"Of course we do." James grinned.

The two set off down the stairs to see Remus sitting on a chair, Kimmy on the arm rest, both watching Sirius and Kara perform an odd victory dance. Kara would sometimes randomly jump off the walls.

With a grin, James steered Lily next to Remus and Kimmy, who were sitting with an amused smile on their faces.

"OI!" James called. "Sit down!"

"Why?" Kara called. "It's fun to just dance around!"

A passing third year muttered, "Ugh. Seventh years." To which James spun around and said in a menacing tone, "Push off midget before we use you for a quaffle in our next Quidditch match." The poor third year scurried away as fast as his tiny legs could carry him. James laughed at him but Lily gave a disapproving look. This was the one thing she hated about James. His better-than-you attitude. She decided to ignore the angry feelings that were bubbling inside and simply try to get Kara to calm down.

Finally after a few minutes Sirius collapsed and Kara fell on top of him not too long after.

"Hey guys?" Kimmy asked. "What's a turtle pile?"

Sirius sat up immediately, a mischievous grin on his face. Remus was also staring at Kimmy with an odd look. Kimmy turned to look at James who was giving her a wide toothy grin. Lily had stepped away and was hiding her face and Kara's face now mirrored Sirius'.

"What?" she asked. Before she could say anything else, Sirius grabbed her hand and pulled her down. The rest of the group jumped in making a large pile of humans rolling and laughing at each other. Eventually they all settled into a more comfortable position with Remus's head resting on Kimmy's stomach, Kimmy laying her head on Sirius' arm, Kara's head on Sirius' chest, Sirius' head on James' stomach, James's head on Kara's stomach, and Lily lying comfortably on James' chest. The group simply lay there, staring up at the ceiling of the Common Room, which had a painting depicting the current state of the sky. It was similar to the ceiling of the Great Hall but this painting was only two dimensional.

They group lay there, comfortably without a worry in the world. Sirius was stroking Kara's hand while Remus enveloped Kimmy's in both of his. James was gently stroking Lily's soft red hair with his fingers, getting tingles every time his fingers slid through her hair.

Several hours passed before Remus looked carefully at the painting. Something seemed off about the calm scene. It was then, that Remus registered his unusual weakness. He gently put Kimmy's hand down, who sighed happily and looked at him.

"Remus are you alright? You don't look to good." Kimmy commented. Lily felt James tense up and Sirius gently lifted Kara off of him before sitting upright.

"Yeah my stomach's just hurting a lot."

"Come on mate. I got just the thing for you." Sirius called, latching onto the excuse quickly.

"Yup! In fact I'll come too. I'm hungry."

"Ooh You're getting food? I'll come too!" Kara said brightly.

"NO!" the three boys yelled immediately. Remus suddenly went very white. He closed his eyes for a moment, then shook his head to jolt himself out of his reverie.

"Jeez what's the big deal?" Kimmy asked in her soft voice.

"We just don't want you getting caught." Remus said with a very strained grin. James nodded vigorously and Sirius, who had already walked to the door as Kimmy asked her question, turned around and clicked his tongue impatiently.

"You could get caught too!" Kara protested. Remus rushed over to Sirius, who grabbed him by the shoulders and left the Common Room.

"Well yeah but we don't care about getting into trouble." James said with a fake grin but Lily could clearly see the anxiety hidden behind the smile. And with that, James Potter departed.  
test and app pac 1 2 3


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Hey guy's im REALLY REALLY REALLY sorry that I've taken so long. I practically disappeared off the face of the Marauder's Map (lil Harry Potter joke there hahahahahahahahahaha…hahahaha…ha…it's okay to laugh guys.) But the point is I'm back! I had literally a TON of things going on—MORE than I can actually write down—so I will write my chapter instead.

The girls had tried valiantly to stay awake but failed. Kara was the first to doze off, curling up comfortably against Lily and after a few minutes, Kimmy fell asleep as well, resting her head on Kara's shoulder. Lily lay her head back and watched the fire die out. The room was almost completely dark and Lily was just about to sleep when she heard an almost inaudible creak. She looked around and saw a tall lanky figure tip-toeing to the stairs. Lily tried to discern the figure but couldn't tell which of the three boys it was.

"James?" she whispered.

"SHIT!" the figure yelled and spun around. The moment it turned however, it tripped and did a spectacular face plant. The other two girls were awake and looking around in a dazed manner.

"Wuzzgoinon?" Kara asked, her eyes getting teary from the wide yawn she gave.

"Who's there?" Kimmy called, pulling her wand out. Lily did the same but the figure stood up and sprinted out of the room. As it left, Lily caught a glimpse of the handsome features that every girl in the school knew. She recognized the black hair and the dark eyes and knew it was Sirius Black. But why did he sprint out of there?

"What the hell was that all about?" Kara asked. Kimmy warily put her wand away and looked at Lily in a knowing manner. Both girls had recognized Sirius but said nothing, not wanting to worry Kara.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep Kara." Lily said. Kara grumbled and pushed Lily back down. She lay her head down on Lily's stomach and fell asleep. Kimmy laughed a little and picked up Kara's legs. Lily picked up Kara's arms and together the two girls carried Kara upstairs to her bed.

The fell asleep in their respective beds, Lily and Kimmy trying to figure out what they had seen and Kara dreaming of a certain boy with black hair and brown eyes.

James stood in a secret hallway, his right arm bleeding heavily. Remus was leaning heavily on James. He was very pale, and his breathing was very weak. James knew he would live but at the moment, Remus needed to lie down and sleep. Sirius came sprinting back quite fast, considering that most of his ribs were shattered. Peter was standing there trying to support Remus, but he was more concerned with getting caught; he kept looking around nervously as if expecting Flich or Dumbledore to come around the corner.

Sirius burst into the secret hall and leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. He held his sides carefully, and James saw a few tears slide down Sirius's face. Sirius took a few breaths and whispered, "We can't go up that way."

"Why not?" James asked. He had to struggle to keep from leaning against the wall so his blood wouldn't get all over the place.

"The girls never went up to their beds. They just fell asleep where we left them."

"Jesus." James grumbled.

"So? What do we do?" Peter asked timidly.

James looked around and sighed. He raised his arm and whispered, "_Accio broomstick_." A few minutes later, the broomstick was hovering right in front of James. He put Remus on it first then got on behind him. Both boy's sped off and headed for the window of the boy's dormitory. James helped Remus into bed and immediately sped off. After two more rounds, both Sirius and Peter were in the dormitory. The other two boys collapsed on their beds but James stumbled into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the bathroom and saw that the shirt from his school uniform was ripped from the right shoulder to the middle of the chest. The entire left sleeve was in rags. His entire right arm was glistening in blood and when James turned he saw a massive gash from the middle of his tricep to the side of his shoulder. He ripped the sleeve off, then slowly pulled his sweater off, feeling the fibers get caught in the wound. He hissed in pain but ignored it, not wanting to wake the others. "_Scourgify"_ ,James muttered and watched as all the blood was siphoned away. He sighed in an exhausted manner and began to try and fix his wounds. After a few moments James recalled the spell that Remus often used on nights like these. Normally Remus would have been up and about, making sure that the three boys were alright after their excursion, but he was even more affected by the transformation than ever before, leaving him unable to even lift a finger. James muttered the spell until the wound was sealed. He then clumsily bandaged his arm and very slowly put his arm down, hissing as the bandages tugged on his skin. He sighed and shut the lights, leaving his bloody shirt and sweater on the floor. He rummaged about in the closet for a few potions and very carefully fed some Skelegro to Sirius, who awoke with a start and spat some out. James grunted and simply handed Sirius the bottle, limping slightly over to Remus and giving the sleeping boy several potions so he'd be able to wake up for the next morning. Once the potions were administered, James left the bottles on the bedside table and went back to his bed.

"Blimey, James." Sirius whispered.

"What?" James asked, barely able to keep his eyes open.

"You really ought to go to the Hospital Wing and get that arm fixed up."

"And what am I going to say Padfoot? That I was attacked by some invisible creature that thought I was a midnight snack? How will I explain getting _this_ type of injury at _this_ time of night at _this_ day of the month?" James asked him calmly. Remus muttered something in his sleep but didn't wake up. Sirius sighed and drank a bit of the potion, making a face as the vile potion hit his tongue. He swallowed a swig and stood up carefully, feeling the potion get to work on his ribs. James sighed and rubbed his eyes, looking at the clock in a tired manner.

"It's already 4 in the morning Padfoot. We are_not_ getting any sleep tonight."

"Well I guess we'll just have to live off of coffee for the whole day then huh?"

James chuckled quietly and watched as Sirius began to gather the bandages, scissors, gauze and rubbing alcohol. James looked at him curiously and Sirius gestured at James' arm, saying, "It's bleeding again."

The two friends sat there talking about their friend until James' arm was patched up. He fell back and was asleep before his head hit the pillow. Sirius, too tired to put everything back where it was, stuffed everything under his bed and fell asleep on the floor.

Kara was the first one up. She rubbed her eyes and tousled her hair with a grin. She had a feeling that today would be very fun. She hopped out of bed and leaned over Lily very quietly. Kara giggled silently and began to experimentally poke Lily's face until the latter opened her eyes, and shot up with a shout. As a result the two girls' heads crashed into each other and while Kara began to laugh, Lily grumbled and rubbed her aching forehead.

"Jeez Kara! What's in that head of yours? Steel or something?" Lily cried. Kara giggled, rubbing her own head and hopped onto Kimmy's bed, who groaned and turned over, snuggling into her pillow.

"Wake up wake up! It's Friday!"

"And pray tell, _what _is so good about Friday?"

"It's the day before the weekend!" Kara yelled into Kimmy's ear. Kimmy groaned and grabbed Kara around the waist. She began to tickle her best friend who squealed and wriggled, trying to get away. Lily shook her head at her friends and got up out of bed. She showered quickly and was ready for the day by the time Kimmy was finished with her shower. Kara was ranting on about some adorable muggle kid she had seen rolling around on the sidewalk with his puppy. Lily grinned and when Kimmy came out, Kara dashed into the shower and both girls could clearly hear her singing in her beautiful voice while she washed her hair.

The girls traipsed down to the Great Hall, where people were talking and eating breakfast. They didn't see the Marauders but decided to go sit where they four boys usually sat. As they sat down, Dumbledore approached the podium and cleared his throat. The students immediately fell silent.

"Good morning to you all. Now as I look around I see that many of you are trying to do some last minute corrections to your homework assignments, no doubt you all have already done them." He paused looking around at the students, some of whom were blushing and trying to hide the papers they were working on. "I suppose many of you will be either happy with me for announcing this or angry with me for requiring you all to get out of bed so early, but I must announce that today all classes are cancelled." Several students cheered and left, but many of them groaned, either putting their heads down on their arms and going to sleep, or banging their heads on the table, regretting that they had pulled an all-nighter for nothing.

"Er…yes well…have a good early weekend?" Dumbledore ended weakly. The remaining students glared at Dumbledore, who cleared his throat awkwardly, and stepped down. The students got up groggily and left the Hall, some taking a bit of food with them. Kara grinned and jumped with joy. She began bouncing on her feet urging the other two girls to get up so they could go outside and relax. Lily smiled at Kara's adorable enthusiasm and stood up. Kimmy followed her two friends outside. The girls traipsed outside and headed for their favorite spot, the oak tree near the lake, only to find the Marauders there. Sirius was stretched out and leaving back on both elbows and shaking his head with a goofy smile on his face. Peter was simply sitting there cross-legged and watching the rest of the group. Remus was also sitting cross-legged but his head was in his hands, as if he had a massive headache. James was leaning against the tree with his eyes closed, but the girls could see his mouth moving so they knew he was awake.

"Hello boys!" Kara said happily. As always there was a stray greeting from some Hufflepuff boy which she ignored. Sirius grinned at her, Peter waved nervously, and James gave a playful wink. Kara plopped down beside Sirius while Kimmy settled down next to Remus. Lily smiled and sat down beside James looking at his hand. His knuckles had healed almost completely. She could tell there would always be a scar but chose not to reflect on how he had gotten them. She considered grasping his hand but decided against it.

"So how are my favorite Marauders today?" Kara asked. While the boys all grunted or gave some sound of acknowledgement that they'd heard her, they didn't respond. "Well _you're_ a talkative bunch today. Did you hear? No classes today!" Again, the boys simply grunted or nodded.

"Boys? Are you alright?" Kimmy asked. She noticed Sirius was breathing quite heavily for someone who was just lying there, and Remus didn't look like he had a headache. From that angle, Kimmy could clearly see his face and saw anguish there but could tell why. She saw James' face, and while it looked perfectly calm, she could tell he was gritting his teeth and seemed to be sitting at an odd angle.

James opened his eyes and smiled. He tapped Sirius' foot to get his attention and shook his head ever os slightly. The girls didn't notice but Peter and Sirius caught on. "Yeah, girls we're fine. Just exhausted."

"From what? You guys never have to work!" Lily cried.

"Well staring at gorgeous girls like yourselves all day can get a bit tiring." Sirius said with a wink to her. Lily rolled her eyes and smiled. "Our jaw's get sore and we drool enough to add a few gallons to the Black Lake." He continued.

"Ew! Drool!" Kara cried. She leaned forward and smacked Sirius in his side. James immediately stopped laughing and tensed up. Remus' face went from anguished to mortified. Sirius bit his lip hard, drawing a few drops of blood.

"Ow." He hissed.

"What the hell was that?" Kara shrieked.

"Blimey Kara relax!" Sirius cried, wiping his lips. Kara gingerly touched his arm and shook it.

"No I will not relax! What the hell was that? All I did was lightly smack you like this—" She moved to do it again but James, and Peter yelled, "NO!" and Remus practically flung her away from Sirius.

"Guys! What the hell is going on?"

"Sirius does this have something to do with last night?"

The group went silent, the girls staring at Sirius, and Sirius looking around frantically at his friends for some help.

"Padfoot, did you let the girls see the surprise?"

"Of course not Prongs! You insult my intelligence."

"What intelligence?" Remus snorted. The guy's laughed rambunctiously, getting the girl's to nervously chuckle along.

"Alright well I do believe we ought to get some more work on that surprise." Sirius said genially. Kara groaned and almost leaned on him but decided against it. She had no idea what was wrong and if a simple slap evoked that strong a response, she didn't want to know what would happen if she leaned on him. Therefore she settled for a whine and her world famous pouty face. Sirius stood up rather slowly and made his way to James who held out his left arm even though his right was much closer. Sirius helped James up, who gave a hand to Remus. Remus grinned at the girls and walked off with Peter. Kara continued her pouty face, beckoning Sirius to come back and sit with her.

"Kara…unlike most people I can resist your charms." Sirius said with a smile. James laughed and waited for Sirius. Kara continued to pout but she looked away this time, glaring resolutely at the tree trunk. Sirius gave a soft chuckle and leaned in close. He kisses her cheek and whispered, "But not for too long." Before straightening up and heading off with James.

"Oooooooooh!" Kimmy gushed in a very Kara-like fashion. Kara however, simply blushed a very deep red and hid her face in her hands, her heart beating ten times a second.

"Oh hush up." Kara murmured. She was biting her lip and grinning at the same time. Lily rolled her eyes and looked up at the sky. While Kimmy and Kara both talked about Sirius, Lily calmly watched the clouds, the blue sky, and the birds…and she wondered why, on such a perfect day, her mind was more like an ocean in a storm, thoughts and feelings getting jumbled and thrown about. She sighed and pulled out her planner.

_Think_, she wrote down. _Perfect. I get to do a bit of life changing thinking right after I finish with my Potions paper._

The boys rushed up to their dormitory and slammed the door shut. Remus began to scramble about, gathering the medicines for James and Sirius while Peter kept an eye out for anyone coming up the stairs. Sirius and James pulled off their shirts to let Remus do a proper job of patching them up. The Skele-Gro hadn't worked on Sirius simply because he hadn't lost any bones; simply broken them. And James, who had been tired at the time, hadn't even healed his wound completely. Remus wordlessly healed Sirius' bones and magically stitched shut James' shoulder.

"This is all my fault." He muttered to himself. Sirius shook his head.

"Relax Moony."

"No Sirius! I mean you guys have been pretty beat up before but this is just ridiculous! And it's all my fault!"

Lily, who was going up to check on them, stopped by the door and listened. Remus hurt them? Sirius and James didn't seem like the kinds of guys who would take a beating lying down. Nor did they seem like they would forgive anyone who attacked them.

"Remus what happened? Usually you're in control but I mean…I mean mate, what the bloody hell was that?" James asked, genuinely curious.

"I was thinking about him."

"Who?" Sirius asked.

There was a short silence followed by Sirius giving a nervous laugh.

"Oh…_him_."

"It's just…I have his curse now. And there's no cure. What can I do? Just…every month go out there and tough it out. I just…I don't know I suppose I just got angry that I had my life taken away and I needed to take my anger out."

There was a creaking of a bed, a few footsteps and surprisingly a few sniffles. Remus was…_crying?_ Strong, faithful, ever-present Remus was crying? Lily wanted nothing more than to rush in and hug him. Instead, she snuck back downstairs and began to climb up as loudly and slowly as she could, purposely slamming her heels into the stairs and humming a tune as loudly as she could. The boys jumped and scrambled about, hiding the various bandages and potions. Remus ran to his bed and made a show of fixing his sheets in a manner that his back was to the door. James dove to his bed and grabbed a random book, pretending to read. Sirius began to fool around with the poster on his wall, changing the colors or making it squeak. Peter simply sat on his bed twiddling his thumbs.

Lily knocked twice on the door then poked her head in saying sweetly, "Knock knock."

"Lilykins! You just couldn't bear to see me go, could you?" Lily forced out a giggle, glancing over at Remus then back at Sirius, hoping he hadn't noticed. He had. Sirius said nothing, hitching on another goofy smile and pointing at James.

"Actually, the girls and I got bored without the famous Marauders down there." She walked slowly but deliberately to James' bed; at that angle she would have a better view of Remus' face. Unfortunately, he caught on and "accidentally" dropped his wand.

"Damn wand." He said aloud with a forced chuckle. He knelt down and began scrambling about, trying to get his wand from under the bed. With his free hand, he used the corner of the sheets to wipe his eyes. Lily sat down on the foot of James' bed, glancing around at the three boys she could see. They were all tense, despite Sirius' valiant attempts to act normal. There was a rather uncomfortable silence for a few minutes which was pleasantly broken by the arrival of Kara and Kimmy.

"Hey guys! We figured you Marauders wouldn't come down so we decided to come up." Kara said with a grin. She bounded over to Sirius and began bouncing on his bed, messing up the careful drawing he was doing with his wand on the poster.

"Hey! I was drawing on that!"

"I know." Kara states simply. She kept bouncing, looking around at the others. "Hey guys! Let's do something!"

"Like what, Kara?" James asked.

"I don't know. Just…something." She was silent for a few minutes. Kimmy went and sat by Remus, who had taken a seat on his bed and was now grinning widely. Lily could tell it was fake and so could Kimmy. "Guys! An idea!"

"Yeah? What is it?" Sirius asked. Partly because he couldn't resist and partly to keep her from bouncing, Sirius had placed his head in her lap and had closed his eyes to her running her cool fingers through his hair.

"Well that's what we need. An idea." Kara giggled. James sniggered and pulled out a chessboard.

"Remus? Wanna play a round?"

"Nah you go ahead. I just wanna sit here." Remus responded with a big smile. Kimmy glanced at him with a shaky smile but said nothing.

"Ooh! Let's play spin the bottle! With truth or dare!"

"How does that work? Lily asked, genuinely curious.

"Well in spin the bottle, whoever the bottle lands on is who the spinner has to kiss right? Well how about the spinner asks truth or dare to the person who the bottle lands on? Huh? Huh? Come on! Let's play!" She grabbed Sirius by the arm and dragged him down. Kimmy grinned and looked at Remus who sighed with a smile and sat down beside Sirius. Kimmy took her seat beside Remus and grabbed his hand on the sly. She gave it a comforting squeeze and smiled at him when he looked over. Remus returned the smile and Kimmy let go. James gave a laugh and pushed Lily forward, forcing her into the circle, much to her protest. When she made to leave, James grabbed her by the waist and pulled her down beside him. _Oh what I'd give to keep those arms around me_. Lily thought. At the same time James was thinking, _Oh what I'd give to keep my arms around her._

"Ok Remus you first!"

"What? Why me first?"

"Why _not_ you first?" Sirius asked slyly.

"Why not I not go first and Sirius go first, thereby making me not go first? Or do you guys not get that?" Remus asked, clearly confusing Sirius.

"Huh?" Sirius asked, scratching his head.

"Oh for heaven's sake," Lily cried in exasperation, "_I'll _go first." She leaned forward and spun the bottle. The bottle spun for a few seconds before landing on Sirius.

"Oh god." Lily cried, covering her face with her hand. The boys burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Kimmy asked. Kara too was a bit confused.

"It's Sirius. He'll do any dare imaginable so it's not like we can get any fun out of making him do some outrageous dare." Remus explained.

"And again, it's Sirius. He'll give you an answer to anything you'll ask him no matter how embarrassing it is. So it's not like we can get any fun out of asking embarrassing questions." James continued.

"Again; oh god."Lily said, her voice muffled by her hand. She sat for a few minutes, wracking her brains, before her eyes lit up deviously. She gave a long giggle and James inched noticeably away from her. The group gave a chuckle.

"What the hell was that, Lily?" Sirius asked with a laugh.

"I just thought up of a dare for you to do. And I think you'll be _veeeeeeeery_ hesitant about this one."

"Well then let's not dilly-dally. Tell me!" Sirius cried bravely. He expected something like "don't talk for a month" or something but he was completely dumbfounded when Lily gave her dare.

"I dare you to kiss Kara, full on the lips, for a good long minute."

There was a small silence, in which Kara blushed heavily and suddenly found her toes very interesting. Sirius grinned, more out of happiness that he had an excuse to kiss the girl of his dreams than anything. "Sure. C'mere Kara."

And with that, Sirius quickly turned Kara's head to face him and kissed her deeply. Kara would have fallen back in surprise but Sirius' arm was tight around her waist holding her steady. His other hand caressed her cheek as softly as possible, as if even the tiniest bit of more pressure would break her. He kissed her, feeling his heart beat a mile a minute.

Kara was in no better shape. Had she been standing, she would have had to lean heavily on Sirius because her leg's felt like jelly. Her heart was practically pounding against her chest, she was surprised Sirius couldn't feel it. All of a sudden, everything seemed to fade away and it was just her and the boy whose lips were on hers. She was stunned for a few seconds, but she slid her hand from the floor, up Sirius' chest and into his hair, gently and lovingly pulling him closer. They continued to kiss each other long after the minute was over; no one bothered to stop them because they were all shocked by the fact that Sirius had actually kissed her.

Sirius finally ended the kiss ever so gently pulling away. Kara pulled away too but kept her face incredibly close to his. She looked deep into his brown eyes and he stared back into hers. He very carefully moved a strand of her silvery gossamer hair out of her eyes and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. Kara gave a small shy smile and blushed deeply. Now that her moment in heaven was over, she remembered that it had been a dare, and suddenly felt rather put off. Sirius _was _the school Casanova so _naturally_ he was an amazing kisser. She pulled away and suddenly felt rather cold and distant.

Sirius however was on cloud nine. He'd just kissed the girl of his dreams! And it hadn't been accidental, and she wasn't drunk or anything. She hadn't pulled away! He felt like a two year old after getting his first toy broom stick.

But though the friends seemed perfectly fine on the outside, each had a thousand questions and no answers. A storm was brewing…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four! :D Yayyyy. Okay people I'm gonna try to write a lot now And the best part is I don't even PLAN any of this! :D I just write whatever the hell pops up in my lil ol' head :D haha have fun you guys! Oh btw…a few weeks have passed since the sin the bottle game Just to give ya'll a time reference haha

"Oh my brain. I don't think I've ever done this much thinking." Sirius complained. The group was in the Common Room by the fireplace. Sirius was lying on the floor writing his essay by the fire, Lena was sitting in a chair curled up into a ball with her essay on a clipboard resting on her knee. Lily and Kimmy were both sitting back to back on the middle seat of the three-seater, their legs stretched out and assignments laying on their knees. James and Remus were sitting on the floor using the coffee table as a desk to write.

"Sirius…what are you talking about?" Remus asked. At the mention of his name, Kara curled up a little tighter and pulled her hood down ever lower over her face. "You've been at the essay for a total of," Remus paused to check his watch, "three seconds."

Kimmy gave a small giggle. "Yeah well, this brain wasn't made for thinking." Sirius whined.

"Oh of course not," Kara spoke up for the first time, "it was made to find horny girls so you could take them to the first empty room you find and have your way right?"

The group was silent, staring at Kara. She didn't look like herself at all. Her face hadn't changed at all but anyone could see the rage burning in her eyes.

"Bloody hell, Kara." James murmured.

"Well it's true! I mean how many girls are there in this school? Close to three thousand? And How many of those girls has Sirius, a.k.a the Manwhore, a.k.a the Casanova, a.k.a the Heartbreaker, slept with? Hmm oh I don't know how about _all_ three thousand? I mean honestly…and it's not even once and then he lets them go. Oh nooooooo that's not how you work is it Sirius? No no you just keep on coming back for more and those dumb whores let you! I mean—".

She would have continued but she looked over and Sirius and was stunned into silence. He was sitting there with complete anguish written on his face. Sirius himself was expecting tears to come flowing out any second, no matter how hard he fought them. The other girls had put down their papers and were facing the group properly. Both girls were giving Kara quizzical looks and giving Sirius apprehensive ones. James was watching his friends' face for a reaction. Sirius, who had his back to Kara, didn't turn around once to face her. He held his head in the same position it was but his eyes were now fixed on Sirius.

"Kara?" Kimmy spoke up timidly. Her voice was no higher than a whisper. Sirius closed his eyes and sat still, though James could see his eyes moving all around under the lids and Sirius' hand was shaking. A single teardrop fell from his shut eyelids and landed on the paper. As if on cue, Sirius calmly stood up, gathered his things and went upstairs to the dormitory. The group remained silent for a while, the atmosphere thicker than cold mustard. Sirius returned a few moments later, carrying a few textbooks and his backpack with him. Without a glance at anyone, he briskly walked out of the Common Room and out of sight.

"Kara, what was_ that?_ I mean in all the years that I've known you, and I think I'm speaking for everyone here, I've _never_ seen you blow up like that. What was that all about?" James asked. He wasn't sure how he felt about the situation. He was half angry at Kara for blowing up without any reason and he was half worried about his friend.

Lily and Kimmy nodded in agreement and Remus finally turned to face her. Kara uncurled and sighed heavily.

"I don't wanna talk about it." She mumbled guiltily and, after carelessly tossing her things to the floor, she went upstairs, dragging her feet as she went, and disappeared into the Girl's Dormitory. Lily and Kimmy made to move but Remus touched Kimmy's knee to stop her and shook his head at Lily. He got up and silently followed after Kara.

"Let him go. Remus is good with these sorts of things." James said comfortingly. Even though they were all curious to hear more, they got back to work, trying to finish their papers.

Remus carefully climbed the stairs to the dorm. He knocked three times on the door before trying the handle.

"Kara? It's Remus. Could you please let me in?" he called softly. There was no response. "Kara come on I know you're in there. Dorm doors don't randomly lock themselves." There was a moment's silence before the door lock clicked and Remus let himself in. Kara was laying on the bed with her face in the pillow, her beautiful hair splayed about her.

"Kara?" Remus said softly. He got a groan in response. Remus walked over to her and sat down on the bed, stroking her soft silky hair to comfort her. He heard a few sniffles but said nothing, simply stroking her hair until she was well enough to talk.

"I'm sorry." Kara mumbled thickly.

"What happened back there?" Remus whispered. His voice was naturally comforting so he was the perfect person to cheer people up and make them feel better.

"I don't—I don't know." Kara sighed.

"You do know. What you _don't_ know is whether or not you want to tell me." Kara nodded and sat up, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. Remus moved and sat crosslegged and Kara imitated him. "Well you can tell me anything and trust that it'll stay between the two of us." Kara still looked down at her bedsheets until Remus lifted her chin with his fingers and gave her a small smile. Kara sniffed and took a deep breath.

"I'm confused. No, I'm beyond confused. My feelings are getting jumbled up and churned around and every time I think I've got them organized, they just get tossed around again. I like him. I don't like him. I'm obsessed with him. I don't know he exists. I hate him. I constantly need him. I could do without him for years. I'm disgusted by him. I'm awed by him. Just all these things are like huge beacons flashing in the dark. And I have no idea where to turn. I know so much about him and at the same time I know nothing. I know that when he's nervous he tends to play with his left fingers. I know when he's angry he cracks his thumbs. I know that he hates the Tornadoes ever though he says they're the best. I know he actually hates all that attention he gets because whenever there are a bunch of girls around he always cracks his thumbs. I know he secretly loves to gaze up at the stars at night. I know he loves to fly around at night over the lake. I know that he actually studies quite a bit even though he says he hardly picks up a book. I know he likes his toasts lightly done and that he always butters them from the bottom left corner to the top right. But there are things I don't know. I don't know if he really likes me or if I'm just another fling. I don't know if he ever notices me when I dress up for him. I don't know if he likes me for the person I am or if he just wants to screw me and throw me away. I'm scared he'll take my heart and crush it when I'm most vulnerable. Remus I just have no idea what to do. Please…_please_…help me." Kara finished.

Remus was stunned into silence. This girl only saw Sirius for a few hours during the day and yet she had noticed things that Remus, having lived with Sirius for seven years, had never noticed. Kara sighed and lay her head down on Remus' knee, sucking on the very tip of her thumb like a small child. Remus covered her with a blanket and began. "I won't say 'I know how you feel' because in all honesty I don't. But I _do_ know what it feels like to have your thoughts and feelings and emotions get thrown about like that. Really I do. You've noticed things about him that even I haven't up till now. And Kara, did you notice that during your little tirade about mixed feelings you left something out? You said you like him, you don't like him, you're obsessed with him, you don't know he exists, yada yada yada but somewhere in there you said you hate him. You left out the 'I love him' part of it." He paused letting her mull things over. Indeed, she'd stopped sucking her thumb. "I think you're just a tad bit afraid of giving in to him. I think you're judging him as a man based on the rumors and lies you've heard in school from others and not based on how you truly feel about him. You said down there that he's slept with every girl in the school. Now…do you honestly think that's true? I mean…if it was then that would make Sirius a pedophile, sleeping with all those first years." Kara gave a shaky laugh. "And even so…he always tells us whenever he sleeps with a girl. _Always_. Wanna know the number?" Kara gave a tiny nod. "Three. Just three. And all three were with the same girl. So he's not really a man-whore or a Casanova or a heartbreaker…He's just Sirius."

"I really messed up big didn't I?" Kara mumbled.

"Only a little." Remus smiled. "But Kara, no one's perfect. Well…I mean besides me." Kara gave a small giggle and sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"What should I do?" she asked, desperation in her eyes.

"Ah see I can't tell you that. You have to decide that for yourself. All I can say is this," he took her hand in his, "You're going to make two choices for yourself. It's always two. And you'll have to decide between here," he put her hand to the side of her head, "and here." He placed her hand on her chest.

"Why is it so difficult Remus?"

"Life always is. But it's the choices we make that define who we are."

"Why aren't you a professor?" Kara asked with a giggle.

"Apparently I don't have the "no bullshit" attitude." Remus replied, earning another giggle. He stood up and wrapped her arms around her. "You gonna be okay?" Kara nodded and hugged him back. Remus straightened up and kissed her cheek affectionately. "Hey come on. It'll be fine! I promise." And with that, Remus left her alone.

Remus came downstairs and sat back down, continuing his work. Everyone stared at him curiously but he ignored them for a few seconds. After a while their stares got too annoying.

"What?" he asked.

"What happened?" James asked.

"Eh. She got weepy. I got huggy. She got happy. I got happy. The endy."

"What?" James asked, scratching his head.

"The girl's confused about whether or not she likes Sirius. I just said she'll have to decide between the two choices she'll make."

"How do you know it'll be only two choices?" Lily asked. James started chuckling and shook his head knowingly at Remus, who grinned back.

"What?" Kimmy asked. "What's so funny?"

"It's Remus' famous "Choice Speech". He gave it to me when I was in our fifth year." James sighed remembering those years. "Ahh those were the days. When Remus was still a midget, Lily was still immersed in her books, I was still busy looking good and Kimmy was still the quiet bashful one of the group." James reflected. He was not surprised to find two cushions being thrown in his face a second later. Kimmy looked around and threw one at him a few seconds later.

"I was never a midget!" Remus cried.

"I was never immersed in my books!" Lily exclaimed. Everyone turned to look at Kimmy to find out why she threw her cushion.

"Well? Why'd you throw your cushion?"

"I just did it cuz everyone else was doing it." She stated simply. James laughed and gave everyone their cushions back.

"So do you think it'll work?" Kimmy asked.

"What the speech? Of course it will. Remus' speeches _never_ fail." James said proudly. Remus ducked his head modestly and said, "They aren't all that great."

"Remus honestly? The only one wordier than you is Lily."

"I still have this cushion you know."

"What's with all the hostility? I'm actually_ complimenting _you and you wanna chuck a pillow at me?"

Lily threw the cushion in his face anyway.

"What was that for?" James cried.

"It's a cushion not a pillow." Lily said with a cute smile. James gave an exasperated sigh and continued to work on his paper, his mind dwelling on his friend's whereabouts.

Sirius was walking down the halls stepping through secret passageways and tunnels and hoping to find some peace and quiet. But everywhere he went, it was as if Kara was following him, repeating the words over and over again. Each word was like a hot knife against his skin and at the same time, like an ice cube slipping into his stomach. He leaned back against the wall of a secret tunnel and breathed heavily, trying to gain control of himself.

"Calm down Sirius. Calm down." He said aloud to himself. After a few seconds, Sirius stood up and followed the tunnel to the end, unaware that it was leading him in a large circle back to the Gryffindor Common Room. He stepped through and groaned realizing where he'd come through. Sirius turned and left. He heard the Gryffindor door creak and figured it was some first year leaving the Common Room so he didn't bother to look back until he heard his name.

"Sirius!"

Sirius froze. His mind went reeling for a few seconds before it calmed down. Sirius hitched his bag higher on his shoulder and continued walked, a certain stiffness in his gait.

"Sirius, wait!"

Sirius didn't bother to turn back, he simply walked faster, rounding a corner and hugging the wall. Kara ran up and caught up with him. She pulled him around and took a deep breath.

"Sirius. I'm really sorry. I know that's not enough but I'm really _really_ sorry. I mean what I said back there was way out of line and I just…I know this sounds all formal and everything but it's just I can't think straight and I obviously wasn't thinking straight when we were back there and I just I'm so sorry for everything I did and I hope you can forgive me. Please please please Sirius I'm _so _sorry."

"Okay."

"Wait…what?"

"Okay."

"What do you mean okay?"

"What does okay mean? It usually means 'yes I heard you'."

"Do you forgive me?"

"I dunno."

"Sirius you have to understand. I said those things because I was confused. I just—" Sirius spun around and slammed his fist into the wall behind Kara, who flinched horribly, fear emanating from her eyes.

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK I FEEL RIGHT NOW?" he roared. "YOU INSULTED ME FOR PRACTICALLY NO REASON BACK THERE!" Kara's eyes got very wet. "I HAVEN'T DONE A THING TO YOU AND—". He stopped and took a deep breath, closing his eyes tightly. "I haven't done a thing to you and for some reason you blew up at me. Why?"

"Sirius I was confused."

"About what?" he spat.

"Sirius—It's really…complicated."

Sirius rolled his eyes and cracked his thumbs. "That's just dandy,"

"Sirius…I mean…it's your reputation…and that kiss back in the room I just—just wasn't sure if it was—was heartfelt or…or you know…a—a fling or—or something." She finished lamely. Sirius sighed and put his forehead against the wall right beside Kara's head. She didn't move her head an inch, but her eyes were watching him carefully. One of his hands was over her head and the other was in between her arm and her side.

"Kara. I wasn't fooling around with you then. Yes it was a kiss during a game. But I meant it."

"What are you trying to say?" Kara asked, genuinely confused. She'd just blurted out whatever had come to mind and was still trying to figure out what she'd just said. Sirius sighed then lifted his head and touched foreheads with Kara.

"Do you really not understand?" he whispered.

Kara shook her head, dazed.

Sirius leaned in closer, touching her nose with his. "You _still_ don't understand?" He asked, his voice even lower than a whisper.

Kara barely shook her head not wanting to move too much. She was breathing very heavily, as if she'd run a few miles.

Sirius leaned in even closer, his lips only a few millimeters away from hers. "I love you, Kara." And with that, Sirius caught her soft lips with his, and the spark that rose between them in the Dorm rose up once more, stronger and brighter this time. It was a small gentle kiss but the emotion behind it was overpowering. Kara stood numbly for a few minutes before realizing what happened. She slowly brought her arms up and snaked them around Sirius' neck. One of her hands she slid into his hair, pulling him closer. Sirius brought his hand down from above her head and softly stroked her cheek as he kissed her. His other arm went around her waist, holding her closer to him. The two stayed in that position, locked together for a few long blissful seconds before pulling away.

"I think I get it now." Kara whispered, her lips grazing against his as she spoke.

"I'm glad." Sirius whispered back with a smile. He reached down and took her hand. Kara smiled widely and made to leave but Sirius was rooted to the spot.

"What is it, Sirius?" she asked. He was staring at their hands.

"I'm just…it—it feels so…right." He said with a smile at her. She smiled back and tugged lightly. Sirius followed her and both of them stepped through the Portrait into the Gryffindor Common Room, hand in hand. The group looked up at them and their jaws dropped. James turned and flung a cushion at Remus who spluttered something unintelligible when the cushion struck him.

"What the bloody hell was that for?"

"How come your damn speech works for him and not for me?" James whined. Sirius laughed and sat down in the chair where Kara had been curled up before he left. She happily sat down in his lap and snuggled up against him.

"Cuz maybe he designed his speech for just Kara and I." Sirius responded. Remus grinned without looking at them, still working on his paper.

"Yeah well I didn't want Kara I wanted someone else."

"Who? Oh _her_?" Sirius asked knowingly.

"No! Not _her_! The _other_ her. I'm not talking about _her_ I'm talking about _heeeeeeer_." James said, putting a heavy emphasis on the last her.

"You know you guys could just say, Lily." Kimmy said with a smile, still working on her paper. Like Remus, she was working on her paper while listening to the conversation. Lily spluttered when Kara said her name.

"Why do you assume it's _me_ they're talking about?" she exclaimed.

"Well it can't be Kara, she's taken and James already said he didn't want Kara. So it has to be you."

"Whoa whoa…Why can't it be _you_ Kimmy?" James asked wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Because you don't like me silly boy, you like Lily." Kimmy stated with a smile, still not looking at James and working on her paper.

"Are you two like, sharing a third brain or something? Or do you two just have a second brain?" Sirius asked. Kara looked at him and asked, "Who?"

Remus spoke up, turning to a reference book and looking something up. "No Sirius, Kimmy and I don't share a brain and as entertaining it would be, neither of us has a second brain."

"See? He just _knows_ what I'm referring to and he's not even looking at Kimmy!"

"Yeah but I'm still in the dark. What are you referring to Sirius?" Lily asked.

"They've been writing their papers and looking stuff up and not only have they not messed up once but they're holding a conversation with us too! Are you guys secretly ninjas?" He asked in a hushed tone.

Remus put down his quill and sighed. Kimmy giggled and played along.

"He knows. We have to kill him now." Remus said.

"Yeah. Beheading?" Kimmy asked matter of factly. Sirius' eyes snapped back and forth between the two.

"Nah, I think poison darts are cleaner."

"Kara! Use your beauty and save me!"

"How can that save you?" James asked with a laugh.

"She can seduce Remus and Kimmy." Sirius cried devilishly.

"I'm not a lesbian." Kimmy pointed out.

"Or are you?" Sirius asked, poking his head out from behind Kara.

"Great now I have to revive him and kill him again."

"Me and my big fat mouth."

The group lay around laughing and joking. While they laughed, Lily looked over at James, who was leaning against the squashy chair and laughing. The entire group just knew Kara and Sirius were made for each other and only after Remus went up and talked to her did the two get together. Was it possible she was made for James? _No no no. Not now. I've got to find something to do. _Lily thought to herself. She searched for her planner in her bag and opened to the current page.

_Think_. _Great. I get to go do my thinking_ now_. Just perfect._ Lily sighed and stood up packing her things away.

"Oi! Where you headed?" James asked.

"Yeah! You can't leave me alone with them!" Kimmy cried.

"Hey! What's wrong with us?" James asked, in a playfully affronted manner.

"Well _those_ two are all lovey dovey, Remus is working, and you're bored." Kimmy responded.

"I have to go finish an assignment."

"But all your stuff's down here." James pointed out.

"I left a book up there that I need."

"What's it called? I'll get it."

"You can't. It's in my closet."

"So? Unless you're hiding a body there it should be fine."

"James, are you always this difficult?"

"Yeah." James replied with a cheeky grin. Lily smiled and rolled her eyes. She traipsed upstairs and dumped her belongings next to her bed. With a big sigh, she wrapped her arms around her pillow and stared at the bedspread._ Okay. I'm all comfortable. Now let's think. Do I like him? I think I do. No no no let's not start with that. Let's start with everything. What the hell how am I supposed to start with everything? Okay Lily slow down here. So he's cute. Big deal. Sirius is cute too. But no…Sirius is more the 'awe he's like a puppy' cute. James is more—oh god did I just call him James? Oh good lord since when did I start calling him James? No no no it's Potter. _Potter._ Anyway Potter isn't cute at all. He's arrogant, and selfish, and self absorbed and—and arrogant and…oh who am I kidding he's amazing. Am I in love with him? No I'm not I'm too young to know what love is! What is love? I mean…do Sirius and Kara love each other? What if it's just a fling? I should go down there and stop them. What if he hurts Kara? Wait a minute Lily, now you're just making excuses. Do. You. Love. James. But how can I answer that if I don't even know what love is? Oh my brain…I don't think I've ever done this much thinking._

Lily lay there for the longest time her mind torn between the many decisions she made. But despite what her heart said, she wouldn't listen. Lily sighed and opened the locket around her neck. Inside was a picture of her mother on one window and her father on the other. "Any suggestions, mom? Dad?"

The occupants of the photos, which were taken with a magical camera, simply gave her sympathetic glances. Her mother blew her a kiss and smiled while her father gave a big grin. Lily sighed and smiled back then closed the locket. "Thanks." She said sarcastically. Who could she talk to? Kara would simply gloat about being right. A_nd in any case she was too busy with Sirius._ _What about Kimmy? Nah, Kimmy's too focused on her paper. What about Remus? Noooo bad idea. The guy hangs out with James practically twenty-four seven! He might let something slip. What about going to James? Oh yeah I can _definitely _talk to him. And what am I gonna say? Oh hey James, I was thinking upstairs and I realized that even though I hated you for seven years I just fell in love with you. What's your input? Or do you want to skip the talk, ask me out, and then go make out? What the hell? Where did the making out part come from? Oh hush up I don't know._

"Lily?" a timid voice asked. Lily sat up and turned.

"Oh hey Kimmy." Lily said with a smile.

"You alright?" Kimmy asked gently.

"Yeah Kimmy. What did you come up here for?"

"James was getting desperate." Kimmy said with a grin. She leaned against the door and smiled at Lily, who smiled back and got out of bed with a groan.

"Do I _have _to go down there again?" she asked playfully.

"Well it's either that or dive out the window or start another fight."

"Hmm I think I'll go with the window." Lily said with a chuckle. Both girls went downstairs to the rest of the group, giggling comfortably.

"Dance is tonight." Sirius commented.

"Yeah?" Remus said slowly.

"What's everyone going as?" Sirius asked, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"Uhh…I didn't know we had a dress code."

"Remus, it's posted on Minnie's door."

"You can read?" Remus asked incredulously. Sirius humphed and said, "I feel unwanted. Therefore I shall go and get something to eat."

"Dinner isn't for another few hours."

"Yeah I know but I'm hungry. Coming Kara?" Sirius asked.

"Ooh yes!" she jumped up and followed him out.

"This would be the first time any of the boys have brought a girl down here. I'm surprised they didn't speak up."

"Is it really that big a secret?"

"Well there are tons of ways to get into the kitchens. This is just the shortest." Sirius replied with a grin.

"Hey! Kara!" a voice cried. Sirius and Kara turned to see a 3rd year Ravenclaw boy walking towards them.

"Yeah?" Kara asked slowly. She didn't even know this boy's name, so she was curious as to what he wanted. She had heard about him but had never actually spoken to him. Aware of his slight mental disability, she smiled as the boy approached.

"Hey so umm…Will you please pretend to be my girlfriend please?" he asked when he approached her. Sirius smiled. The little boy, named Jake, had a slight mental disability and was constantly made fun of. Remus had once stood up for the tyke and now Jake and the Marauders were good friends.

"Wow straight to the point aren't you, lil guy?" Kara asked with a tinkling laugh. She ruffled his hair affectionately and said, "Well I don't know. What do you think Sirius?"

"Sure, why not?" he responded. "Take good care of her lil Jakey." Jake gave a wide grin and held out his hand for Kara. Kara laughed and turned to Sirius.

"I'll see you in a few hours?"

"Sure. Have fun!" Sirius said.

"So what's your name lil guy?" Kara asked.

"Jake."

"Awe, that's a cute name. You're a third year aren't you?"

"Yeah but I get made fun of a lot. People say I'm too dumb to be in Ravenclaw and they say I should be a first year Hufflepuff."

"Awe well that's not very nice! Why don't you go talk to Sirius about it? Or James or Remus?"

"Well they're almost always too far away for me to reach. They explained it over the summer to me that their classes would be getting further and further away from mine since they are older." He said a little sadly.

"Awe, I'm sorry Jake. Well why don't you come to me, or Lily or Kimberly? We'll stick up for you." Kara said with a smile.

"Promise?" Jake asked looking up at her. Kara smiled and knelt down, turning him to face her. She crossed her chest and said, "Cross my heart." She affectionately rubbed his cheek with her palm and stood up again, taking his hand.

"Hey guys! Look!" Jake cried happily when he left the building, heading to the outer grounds. Kara smiled sweetly and followed his gaze, expecting a few other third years. Instead she saw a group of seedy looking 5th year Ravenclaws, staring incredulously at Jake.

"I told you I had a girlfriend!" Jake cried.

"That's right Jake." Kara said with a smile. She knelt and kissed his cheek in a sisterly fashion. "Jake I think I dropped my ring somewhere near the stairs. Could you please be a dear and find it?" Jake nodded and ran off, searching the stairs for the "ring". As soon as he was out of earshot, Kara turned to the fifth year boys menacingly. "Don't you _dare_ bother that little boy again. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves I mean he's just a kid! I'm warning you…if I hear even a peep that you've been bullying him again, then I swear to god you won't even consider speaking to him after the hell you'll go through. Understand?" the boys nodded fearfully and ran off in the other direction. Jake returned with a rather put off expression.

"Sorry Kara. I looked and looked but I couldn't find it. I asked one of the older kids to make you one though!" He said happily, holding up a shiny silver ring. Kara looked around and saw the Gryffindor Chaser, Kaitlyn Howards, give her a wave. Kara smiled and said, "Awe Jake that's so sweet of you! I remembered that it's in my closet up in my dorm but thanks anyway!"

"Could you still wear this one for me?" he asked hopefully. Kara gave a chuckle and ruffled his hair. She pulled out her wand and wrote Jake's name on the ring, before slipping it on her finger and giving him a hug.

"Thank you Jake. You know you're a really sweet guy. But can you do me a big favor?"

"Anything!" he cried with a little bounce. Kara held back a smile and knelt. She leaned in close and said very sternly, "Please don't talk to those boys again alright? Listen…you hang out with me and you'll have a ton of great new friends alright? Those boys aren't very nice."

"But…they said they were my friends." He said, confused and sad. Kara felt terrible about telling this to the boy but she had to do it for his own good. She took a deep breath and tried again.

"I know they did but listen to me alright? They were playing a very mean joke on you and friends don't play mean jokes on each other do they?"

"I don't know…" he said weakly.

"Well…what about Sirius or Remus or James? Have they ever played a very mean joke on you?"

"No! They're always give me candy or they come by and give me high fives. They're very nice!" Jake said, clapping a few times. Kara was astonished. Why had she never heard of or seen the boys giving Jake candy? It sounded like a very mushy thing for them to do. She ignored it, feeling her heart swell at the thought of her friends doing such a sweet thing.

"Exactly!" Kara said with a smile. "And have they ever played a very mean joke on each other?"

"No!" Jake replied with another smile.

"Good. So you won't go talking to those 5th year Ravenclaw boys again will you?"

"No I promise I won't!" Jake said. He leaned in and hugged her tightly. Kara giggled and hugged him back, kissing the side of his head affectionately. "My little baby." She said, deciding on a new nickname for him.

AN: Okay okay so I _mayyyyyyyyyyyyy _have cheated here. This scene with the mentally challenged boy really did happen to me. I mean obviously there weren't any Ravenclaw boys and he didn't ask a Gryffindor student to make a ring for me, nor was I dating a star constellation at the time :D. No but he asked me to pretend and I asked my bf if he was okay with it. My bf took me to the side and told me his story about how he knew the lil boy personally and told me he was challenged. I said oh ok and I went on a "date" with the little boy. Next thing I know he's showing me off to a few "friends" of his who were actually a few freshmen asses *this little challenged boy was a middle schooler and I was a junior). So yeah…my Bf actually does go by from time to time and give the little kid some candy He's so sweet. Read and Review as always!


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